When Perspective Changes Everything

So they started building a house next door. Just erected this massive eyesore that completely ruined our view from the garden. I was devastated. Absolutely gutted. Then I had this thought:

Four years ago I didn't even HAVE a house. Now I do.

The garden can still be improved - add a sauna, plant some flowers, whatever. The trend is upward, and this new construction is just a temporary dip in an otherwise positive trajectory.

And that is the difference between gap thinking and gain thinking. And I only see the benefits of it now.

The Book That Changed My Perspective

I haven't read a business book in years now. I barely read at all these days. But "The Gap and the Gain" by Dan Sullivan was recommended to me, and despite my initial skepticism about its potential for cheesy American positivity, I found real value in it. I absolutely hated the typical american virtue signaling (yeah, I have 2 million children and adopted a few hundred more while I donated a million bucks to my church BUT it's not about that. Yeah, right.)

It's about how you view life. Is the glass half empty or half full? That sort of thing.

The concept is simple: Gap thinking means you're constantly measuring yourself against some ideal - always seeing what's missing. Gain thinking means measuring backward and acknowledging progress you've already made. And this is what I severly lacked in the pasted.

I lived so much in the future, I rarely looked back. And now I know it's a fucking mistake.

This distinction resonated deeply with me because I'm a typical gap thinker. I see the potential threat in everything. That's useful sometimes - it propels innovation and provides motivation. But it's also mentally exhausting and can slow progress to a crawl.

Constantly feeling incompetent acts as perfect fuel for anxiety, creating a harmful cycle.

A Professional Turning Point that Illustrated the Concept

This concept of gain thinking became crystal clear through a recent major professional change. I got let go from a job I'd been at for years - a job I actually liked parts of.

The last couple months there were really stressful. At one point I was waking up at 3am and couldn't go back to sleep because of the anxiety. This despite all my attempts at self-care - meditation, exercise, breathing exercises, the whole wellness package.

But you know what?

Getting fired turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. At least in the last 5 years. Now I wake up thinking about what I WANT to work on. Yes, my current gig is higher risk (where will the next client come from?), but there's real potential. And here's the kicker - I don't have anxiety about the future anymore. OK, OK, not THAT much. It does help.

When projects stall now, instead of spiraling into stress like before, I remind myself that I've already secured 2 clients independently - something I couldn't do a year ago. This backward measurement instantly shifts my mindset from panic to progress.

Before:

• Constant stress
• Insomnia
• Mental space consumed by office politics
• Stuck in golden handcuffs

After:

• More energy
• Mental clarity
• Freedom to choose my focus
• Time for new habits (daily stretching and foam rolling that I never could maintain before)

It's day and night.

Gap Thinking in Daily Life

This pattern appears everywhere once you start looking for it.

Like finishing a work presentation you spent days preparing. You covered all the key points, answered questions confidently, and even received compliments from several colleagues.

Then your manager pulls you aside and focuses solely on the one fucking slide that had a minor data error.

That's gap thinking in professional settings. And it's incredibly demoralizing.

Or with kids: "Why only 85%? Where's the other 15%?" instead of "You improved 10 points from your last test!"

I think we all recognize this from our youth.

I think us Eastern Europeans are particularly susceptible to this mindset. We're culturally trained to look for problems first. To see what's wrong rather than what's right. Which is understandable in the broader context: Hungary was always on the receiving end of invasions and occupations - from the Mongols and Ottomans to the Habsburgs, Nazis, and Soviets. Looking for problems to avoid became an intrinsic survival mechanism.

But I think we can override it from time to time.

The Benefits of Shifting Perspective

When I look back on my professional journey, I used to think I just got lucky. Every good opportunity seemed like an accident.

But that's not accurate.

I got gigs "accidentally" because I was a reader of someone's blog.

Because I helped people in online communities.

Because I maintained connections from my language learning days.

These weren't accidents. They were the results of consistent effort I put in, whether I realized it at the time or not.

When I measure backward from where I started to where I am now professionally, the progress is incredible. But I never appreciated it because I was always looking at the gap - what I hadn't achieved yet.

This shift in thinking isn't about participation trophies or telling everyone they're special snowflakes. It's about giving myself credit for actual progress while still acknowledging reality.

And this is a balance. Which I intend to do better.

Conclusion

I'm not suggesting becoming overly positive or denying life's challenges. There's still value in identifying problems and working toward ideals. I do this every day for a living.

But maybe - just maybe - we could all use a bit more "gain thinking" in our lives. Especially in our careers, our health, our hobbies, our relationships and our personal growth.

Because let's be honest - all of us want our efforts to be seen before our shortcomings.

I'm still working on this myself. But that temporary eyesore next door doesn't bother me as much anymore. I look at my home, remember where I was four years ago, and feel genuine appreciation instead. And that feels fucking good.